I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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