my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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