i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
