At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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