Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In other news, I just burned my penis
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
