i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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