I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
