They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize