do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
