Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
