Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
