Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
