Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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