I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
