I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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