just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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