I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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