He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
