I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
