In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
