Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
