I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
