my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
