I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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