I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
