i just had sex bonerless
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
that is very illegal...i love you.
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