Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
