Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
