I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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