I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
