I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
