Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
