Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
