i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
