You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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