Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
