I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I need a beard to bite.
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