i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She's the barista slut.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
