I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
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It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
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Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize