I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You've changed since you got that strap on
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
