Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
