I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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