God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
