Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
