Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
