i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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