He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
