i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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