Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
