im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
