Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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