I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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