When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
