got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
