Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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