a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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