gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
