she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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