he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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