I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
